Author: spidern

The Lessons I Didn’t Expect from Starting a PhD (That Has Nothing to Do with My Research)

When I started my PhD in Human Development, I thought the most challenging part would be the research itself—designing a study, collecting data, analyzing it, and writing up the results. And while that part is no walk in the park, what’s surprised me the most are the unexpected life lessons that come with the process.

I started my PhD studies 7 months ago—it wasn’t in my 2024 plans. I decided last minute to join the program, and it was a five-minute decision. Someone I trust and admire very much recommended it. I sent a quick email asking for info—I knew nothing about the program. I attended one class to see if I liked it, and the next thing I know, I’m enrolled.

It is said that the people you surround yourself with have a big impact on your life. I now realize that I had been spending time with people who were doing a PhD or a postdoc. I didn’t fully notice how much of an influence that had on me, so when the time came, it was a surprisingly easy decision.

I guess you’re never really ready. And that’s okay. Starting before you feel ready teaches you to trust yourself and grow into the role.

Choosing a Research Topic

On the first day of class, I was asked, “So, what do you want your research to be about?”—and I had no clue. A PhD program wasn’t in my 2024 plans, and I only had a few days to decide. The best advice I was given came from one of my PhD professors: “Just make sure you choose something you like very, very much. Otherwise, you will lose interest or abandon the PhD program.” That made the decision easier. I knew I loved learning about habits.

The Art of Time and Energy Management

The next challenge was to find the time to attend classes, work on essays, read books and research papers, and write my thesis. More than scheduling—it’s learning to protect your energy, say no, and prioritize what truly matters. I had to make many changes to my schedule and the way my weeks flowed. Doing a PhD requires lots of focus and concentration, so I had to learn when I’m most productive and reserve that time for research and writing.

Doing a PhD is not just an academic journey. It’s an emotional, psychological, and even physical one. I’ve had to learn to manage my time in a way I never had to before. I’ve had to be kinder to myself on days when things felt overwhelming. And I’ve discovered a level of perseverance I didn’t know I had.

One of the biggest things I’ve learned is that progress is not always visible. There are days—weeks even—when you feel like nothing is moving. But in hindsight, you realize that the internal shifts, the tiny mindset changes, the ability to sit with discomfort, are all part of the process.

Another lesson: boundaries. When you’re juggling a PhD, work, and life, you have to get really good at saying no. And not just to others, but to your own desire to do everything perfectly. Perfectionism doesn’t survive in a PhD program. Flexibility does.

The Importance of Community and Vulnerability

Whether it’s classmates, professors, friends, or loved ones, having people who remind you that you’re not alone makes all the difference.

Doing a PhD has stretched me in every direction. But it’s also made me more grounded, more compassionate, more patient, and more in tune with my values. I didn’t expect that when I started. But I’m grateful for it.

One of the things I’ve enjoyed most is sharing experiences with my classmates. We are always contacting each other on chat groups or calling to clarify things we learned in class, or just to support one another when we feel lost.

We all come from different backgrounds, but we share a love for learning. If you could see our classes, you would see that sometimes we don’t agree with each other—and that’s part of the beauty. We have such different points of view, but we remain open to hearing one another and disagreeing with respect.

Learning to Speak Up

I must admit that the PhD has made me more extroverted. At the beginning, I didn’t want to talk much, and the professors encouraged me to speak more.

One of the things I’ve also found myself enjoying is sharing what I’m learning with everyone. People get curious when I tell them I’m researching habits, wellness, and happiness. I always say, “I’m just beginning my PhD,” but it leads to very interesting conversations.

If you’re on a similar path, or thinking about it, know this: it’s not just about the degree. It’s about who you become along the way. Looking back, I didn’t just sign up for a PhD—I signed up for growth in all its messy, beautiful forms.

The Habit That Changed Everything

A while ago, I realized something needed to change.

Life was full—overflowing, really—with work, leadership, study, and the constant hum of responsibilities. But underneath all the motion, I felt like something was off. I wasn’t showing up the way I wanted to—not for others, and not for myself. What I craved wasn’t more time or more energy (though those would’ve been nice). What I needed was consistency. I wanted to prove to myself that I was capable of adding new habits—or changing existing ones—and making them stick.

So I started small.

Very small.

I decided to take my vitamins every day. I knew I had to be consistent if I wanted to see results.

That was it. No elaborate morning routine, no massive overhaul of my schedule—just one simple, intentional action I could do daily. And honestly? That decision changed everything.

At first, it felt almost too simple. But showing up for that one habit—day after day—started to shift something inside me. I began to see myself as someone who follows through. Someone who takes care of her health, even in the middle of chaos. That tiny act became a quiet vote for the person I was becoming.

It didn’t happen overnight, but gradually, consistency started to spill into other areas of my life. I got more intentional with movement, hydration, boundaries. I started reconnecting with routines I had dropped. I felt clearer, calmer, and more grounded—even on the days that were still messy.

Taking vitamins didn’t just support my body—it strengthened my identity.

That’s the thing about habits. The small ones—the ones that seem almost too easy to skip—are often the ones that carry the most power. They remind us who we are. They build trust with ourselves. And they create momentum, one simple action at a time.

So if you’re feeling like you’re drowning in demands, or like your days are running you instead of the other way around, here’s my advice:

Don’t try to change everything at once.

Start small.

Start with one habit that feels doable.

Then show up for it like it matters—because it does.

Mine was a daily vitamin.

Yours might be a glass of water. A five-minute walk. A deep breath before opening your laptop.

Whatever it is, let it be your anchor. You never know what it might lead to.

Pressing Reset: The Blog, My Life, and What’s Next

It’s been a while since I’ve written here. Life, as it tends to do, got full—full of projects, deadlines, leadership challenges, research papers, and all the beautiful, messy things in between.

But I’ve missed this space.

Writing has always been a way for me to reflect, to connect, and to make sense of the world. So I’m pressing reset. Not starting over, exactly, but returning with a deeper sense of purpose.

Since my last post, a lot has changed.

I moved back to Atlanta, I stepped into a new role in tech. I also started a PhD in Human Development, diving into the science of habits and their impact on well-being and happiness. It’s been intense, rewarding, and sometimes overwhelming—but it’s also helped me see patterns, lessons, and truths I want to share.

This blog is my space to do just that.

I’m returning to write about the themes that keep showing up in my life: growth, habits, leadership, and well-being. Sometimes through personal stories. Sometimes through research. Sometimes through lessons I’ve learned the hard way.

You’ll find reflections on how to lead with intention, how to build sustainable habits, how to protect your energy in high-stress environments, and maybe even a few side adventures—photography, travel, tacos (because life is also meant to be enjoyed).

So here I am—back at the keyboard.

Let’s see where this takes us.

If you’ve been here before: thank you.

If you’re new: welcome.

If you’re curious about the messy, meaningful path of personal growth—I hope you’ll stick around.