Category: Lessons Learned

The Formula That Changed How I Understand Happiness

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been searching for patterns—shortcuts to clarity, formulas that simplify life’s complexities. One day, after a long walk and a long list of thoughts, I landed on this:

Happiness = Freedom + (Relationships || Play || Help)

At first glance, it looks simple. But like all good formulas, it holds depth.

Let me walk you through what it means to me—and why it’s become a compass I return to again and again.

The Backstory: Something Was Missing

Originally, I hadn’t even considered freedom as part of the equation. I spent a lot of time exploring what made me happy—was it connection with others? Was it joy and spontaneity? Was it the sense of meaning I got from helping people? I experimented with all three: relationships, play, and service.

And yet, something always felt incomplete.

Some days, even surrounded by people I loved, I felt stuck. Other times, even when I was doing something fun or meaningful, there was an underlying tension. Eventually, I realized that what was missing wasn’t external—it was internal. It was freedom. The freedom to choose, to breathe, to be.

I vividly remember the moment the idea began to take shape. I was at an amusement park—surrounded by bright lights, laughter, and entertainment—but I felt profoundly sad. I couldn’t shake the thought: How can I be so unhappy in a place designed to spark joy? That moment triggered a wave of reflection.

This reflection came during a time in my life when I wasn’t feeling particularly happy. I was actively experimenting with ideas and habits to improve my well-being, looking for what truly made a difference. Once I added freedom to the formula, everything made more sense.

Freedom as the Foundation

I believe happiness begins with freedom. Without it, everything else feels constrained.

Freedom can take many forms:

  • Freedom from fear, expectations, or limitations.
  • Freedom to create, rest, express, and explore.

It’s not about being irresponsible. It’s about having autonomy over your time, your thoughts, and your choices. For me, this is the foundation of a meaningful life.

The Three Paths: Relationships, Play, or Help

After freedom, the second part of the formula offers three interchangeable—but equally powerful—paths to fulfillment:

1. Relationships

Some days, happiness looks like a deep conversation with someone who just gets you.

Aristotle called friendship one of the highest goods.

Modern psychology confirms it: real connection—love, friendship, community—is essential to our well-being.

2. Play

Other days, happiness comes from play: laughing, dancing, reading, hiking, getting into flow.

Play reminds me to be present. To be spontaneous. To be free from expectations.

It’s not just for children—it’s for the inner child that still lives in all of us.

Play also introduces what researchers call psychological richness. It’s through play that we often experience novelty, surprise, and perspective shifts—elements that bring depth and variety to life. Whether it’s trying something new, exploring a different idea, or immersing ourselves in creative flow, play expands our inner world. In this sense, my formula isn’t just about feeling good—it also invites us to live richly and curiously.

3. Help

And then there are the days when happiness shows up through purpose—when I’m able to help someone, even in a small way.

Helping reminds me I’m not alone. It makes life feel bigger than me.

As Viktor Frankl said, “Those who have a ‘why’ to live can bear almost any ‘how.’”

Why “||”?

In programming, || means “or.” In this formula, it represents flexibility.

I don’t always need all three. Sometimes just one is enough to bring joy into my day.

One day it’s a walk with a friend. Another day it’s an hour of reading. And other times, it’s simply offering someone a kind word or support.

This “OR” gives me grace. It means I don’t have to chase every avenue of happiness all the time. I just need one.

Two Lenses: The Daily and the Lifelong

Over time, I’ve come to realize that this formula can be viewed through two powerful lenses—each offering a different kind of insight.

The original version:

Happiness = Freedom + (Relationships || Play || Help)

is what I turn to when I need a short-term boost. It’s a gentle reminder that if I’m feeling low or disconnected, I can do just one thing—reach out to a friend, play, or help someone—and it can shift my emotional state. It’s like a daily compass I can check in with.

Then there’s the more refined version:

Happiness = Freedom × (Relationships + Play + Help)

This one speaks to the long game. It reflects the idea that lasting well-being comes from integrating all three elements into a life built on freedom. When they all work together over time, happiness deepens. It’s not just about feeling good—it’s about building a good life.

Both versions have helped me in different ways. One meets me where I am, and the other helps me move toward where I want to be.

Final Thoughts

Life can feel overwhelming. But when I get lost in the noise, I return to this formula.

Happiness = Freedom + (Relationships || Play || Help)

It reminds me to ask:

Am I feeling free?

Am I connecting, playing, or serving in some way?

If the answer is no—then maybe I just need to return to the basics.

This formula doesn’t promise constant joy. But it does help me return to center.

How to Make Better Decisions: Practical Strategies and Tools That Help

Decisions shape our lives — from the tiny ones (like what to eat for dinner) to the ones that change our paths entirely (like moving to a new city, changing jobs, or starting a PhD… 😉). We all want to make better decisions, but how do we actually do it? Especially when things feel uncertain, fast-paced, or emotionally charged?

Over time, I’ve found that the key is intentionality. Making space to think clearly, aligning with what truly matters, and using simple tools can turn a decision from overwhelming to manageable. Here’s what has helped me — a mix of mindset shifts and practical frameworks.

Mindset Shifts for Better Decision-Making

1. Start With Clarity: What Really Matters to You?

Before diving into any decision, pause and ask:

What do I value most in this context?

Is it freedom, stability, learning, connection, growth, impact, health?

When you get clear on your values, decisions become easier — not because they’re less complex, but because your compass is working. You’re not choosing randomly. You’re aligning.

2. Think Beyond “Either/Or”

Sometimes we fall into binary thinking — should I stay or go? Say yes or no?

Instead, ask:

What other options am I not seeing?

Could I propose a middle ground? Delay the decision? Test it with a small experiment?

Creative solutions often emerge once we escape the trap of “A vs B.”

3. Give It Time (If You Can)

Your brain is processing even when you’re not thinking consciously. Sleeping on a decision — or simply stepping away for a walk — can reveal what really feels right. I’ve found that if something still feels off after 24–48 hours, there’s probably a reason.

Decision-Making Tools That Actually Help

Sometimes, a little structure goes a long way. These are the tools I turn to when my thoughts feel foggy or the stakes are high.

1. Pros and Cons List

Simple but powerful. Listing the positives and negatives of each option helps externalize your thought process.

Tip:

Make two lists per option — one for short-term pros/cons and one for long-term. This gives you a fuller picture and surfaces trade-offs that aren’t immediately obvious.

2. Decision Matrix (Pugh Matrix)

Ideal when you’re comparing three or more options across multiple criteria.

Steps:

  • List your options (A, B, C…)
  • Choose evaluation criteria (e.g., cost, time, alignment with goals, learning potential)
  • Score each option (e.g., 1–5)
  • Add up the scores

It brings clarity and structure — and can often highlight a clear frontrunner that wasn’t obvious at first.

3. Pre-Mortem Analysis

Before making a decision, imagine it failed. Ask:

“What could go wrong?”

This reversal exercise helps you anticipate potential risks and weaknesses ahead of time. It’s a great way to shift from blind optimism to thoughtful preparation — without falling into fear.

4. The Pareto Principle (80/20 Rule)

The Pareto Principle suggests that 80% of results often come from 20% of the effort. When facing a decision, ask:

What’s the 20% of this decision that will give me 80% of the value?

Which option simplifies things while still creating meaningful progress?

This is especially useful when you’re overthinking or trying to “optimize” too much.

5. SWOT Matrix (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats)

Great for strategic decisions — especially when you need to weigh internal and external factors.

StrengthsWeaknesses
Higher salaryFar from family
More responsibilitiesUnfamiliar culture
OpportunitiesThreats
Expand your networkRisk of burnout
Learn something newCost of living

Once it’s visual, the decision becomes less abstract and more grounded.

6. Eisenhower Matrix (Urgent vs Important)

This tool helps you prioritize by distinguishing between urgency and importance.

UrgentNot Urgent
ImportantDo FirstSchedule It
Not ImportantDelegateEliminate

Ask yourself:

Is this truly important, or just demanding attention?

Use this to cut through noise and focus on decisions that actually move the needle.

✨ Final Thoughts

Better decisions don’t come from knowing everything — they come from slowing down, tuning in, and having a few tools in your back pocket. Over time, decision-making becomes less about stress and more about trust — in your values, your thinking, and your ability to adapt.

What’s one decision you’ve made recently that taught you something?

The Lessons I Didn’t Expect from Starting a PhD (That Has Nothing to Do with My Research)

When I started my PhD in Human Development, I thought the most challenging part would be the research itself—designing a study, collecting data, analyzing it, and writing up the results. And while that part is no walk in the park, what’s surprised me the most are the unexpected life lessons that come with the process.

I started my PhD studies 7 months ago—it wasn’t in my 2024 plans. I decided last minute to join the program, and it was a five-minute decision. Someone I trust and admire very much recommended it. I sent a quick email asking for info—I knew nothing about the program. I attended one class to see if I liked it, and the next thing I know, I’m enrolled.

It is said that the people you surround yourself with have a big impact on your life. I now realize that I had been spending time with people who were doing a PhD or a postdoc. I didn’t fully notice how much of an influence that had on me, so when the time came, it was a surprisingly easy decision.

I guess you’re never really ready. And that’s okay. Starting before you feel ready teaches you to trust yourself and grow into the role.

Choosing a Research Topic

On the first day of class, I was asked, “So, what do you want your research to be about?”—and I had no clue. A PhD program wasn’t in my 2024 plans, and I only had a few days to decide. The best advice I was given came from one of my PhD professors: “Just make sure you choose something you like very, very much. Otherwise, you will lose interest or abandon the PhD program.” That made the decision easier. I knew I loved learning about habits.

The Art of Time and Energy Management

The next challenge was to find the time to attend classes, work on essays, read books and research papers, and write my thesis. More than scheduling—it’s learning to protect your energy, say no, and prioritize what truly matters. I had to make many changes to my schedule and the way my weeks flowed. Doing a PhD requires lots of focus and concentration, so I had to learn when I’m most productive and reserve that time for research and writing.

Doing a PhD is not just an academic journey. It’s an emotional, psychological, and even physical one. I’ve had to learn to manage my time in a way I never had to before. I’ve had to be kinder to myself on days when things felt overwhelming. And I’ve discovered a level of perseverance I didn’t know I had.

One of the biggest things I’ve learned is that progress is not always visible. There are days—weeks even—when you feel like nothing is moving. But in hindsight, you realize that the internal shifts, the tiny mindset changes, the ability to sit with discomfort, are all part of the process.

Another lesson: boundaries. When you’re juggling a PhD, work, and life, you have to get really good at saying no. And not just to others, but to your own desire to do everything perfectly. Perfectionism doesn’t survive in a PhD program. Flexibility does.

The Importance of Community and Vulnerability

Whether it’s classmates, professors, friends, or loved ones, having people who remind you that you’re not alone makes all the difference.

Doing a PhD has stretched me in every direction. But it’s also made me more grounded, more compassionate, more patient, and more in tune with my values. I didn’t expect that when I started. But I’m grateful for it.

One of the things I’ve enjoyed most is sharing experiences with my classmates. We are always contacting each other on chat groups or calling to clarify things we learned in class, or just to support one another when we feel lost.

We all come from different backgrounds, but we share a love for learning. If you could see our classes, you would see that sometimes we don’t agree with each other—and that’s part of the beauty. We have such different points of view, but we remain open to hearing one another and disagreeing with respect.

Learning to Speak Up

I must admit that the PhD has made me more extroverted. At the beginning, I didn’t want to talk much, and the professors encouraged me to speak more.

One of the things I’ve also found myself enjoying is sharing what I’m learning with everyone. People get curious when I tell them I’m researching habits, wellness, and happiness. I always say, “I’m just beginning my PhD,” but it leads to very interesting conversations.

If you’re on a similar path, or thinking about it, know this: it’s not just about the degree. It’s about who you become along the way. Looking back, I didn’t just sign up for a PhD—I signed up for growth in all its messy, beautiful forms.

Setting Life Goals

I enjoy thinking about my life goals. Every day I review them and make adjustments to my yearly plan. About 6 years ago I made a list of all the things I wanted to do and accomplish in the future. I’ve been updating that list ever since and I review it every day as it helps me keep focused. I wish I had started this sooner.

To define goals I use the following checklists:

Life Goals:

  • Things I want to do/accomplish
  • Things I want to have
  • Places I want to visit
  • Things I want to learn
  • Activities I want to experience
  • People I want to meet/say thanks to

Areas:

  1. Finances: Income, Give (Donate)
  2. Exercise
  3. Living Environment
  4. Relationship
  5. Family and Friends
  6. Work
  7. Learning: How many books I want to read
  8. Career: Which certifications I want to get
  9. Mentoring
  10. Blog
  11. Travel and adventure

One thing I’ve learned is that the order in which you pursue your goals is just as important as the goals themselves, and this has nothing to do with priorities, importance, or dependencies between the goals, it’s about increasing your chances of succeeding in accomplishing your goals. So, next time you are thinking about some goals for the year, think also about the order in which you will pursue them.